I have had an on-again, off-again love affair with raw veganism for the past 3 years.
As I began recovering from my eating disorder (through one of multiple attempts over the years), turning to the raw vegan diet felt like an optimal solution to me. I could manage eating regularly without feeling guilty because I was eating raw-clearly the healthiest of healthy, right? Vegetables, raw chocolate, fruit, coconut, raw nuts and raw nut butters, dates, raw agave syrup, hemp seeds, chia seeds, avocados... surely I could finally relax my anxieties of eating too much. I felt I didn't have to worry about going overboard eating too much when I was eating such healthy foods.
The raw food diet became my ticket to Eating Without Limits. Finally, I could allow food to be my sanctuary: I could allow it to comfort, fulfill and excite me because I thought I was eating uber-healthy. So instead of creating my life to fulfill me, I let the raw granola do it.
The raw vegan diet became an "acceptable" way for me to feel okay about eating and indulging in foods.
But in so doing, these foods became a way for me to fill up on what I was still missing from my life.
Sidenote: Life-fulfillment aside, there's also quite a bit of controversy around the raw vegan and vegan diets. I've read many accounts from long-time vegans that finally switched to eating meat again. A common response from loyal vegans is that if the diet isn't working for you, it's because you're not doing it right - you're not balancing your nutrients properly, you're missing certain supplements, etc. I did do my research, consulted with raw vegan coaches and did my best to balance things. This article isn't about whether the diet is "right" or not.
We are all different in how we respond to foods. Food is a weirdly emotional subject for people and it's hard to say anything about the subject that won't cause heated debate, especially when it comes to veganism vs. omnivorism. I don't claim to have the answers to what's "best", and I can't recommend what you should do for you or your family.
This article is about finally giving myself permission to enjoy pleasure (through food)-but using the food as a crutch to fulfill what it was I was actually hungry for in my life.
There were two phases in my natural recovery from my eating disorder, which included binge eating:
1. Giving myself permission to enjoy pleasure
2. Finding fulfillment in things besides food
These two phases, though simple, were not quick and easy in my experience. They evolved over the course of a year, after repeated attempts to "stop my nasty habit" of chewing and spitting food and binging/purging.
If you eat food but eat it with a feeling of guilt or anxiety, or you eat a food when you're not actually hungry, it's your glaring road sign telling you that you are binge eating.
And if you find that you're looking forward to food as an opportunity to feel excitement about something, or to feel something different (i.e. to stop feeling lonely, hurt, bored or guilty), it's an indication that food is artificially nourishing your soul.
If you find yourself in this position, it's okay. You're human. It's not okay to beat yourself up more about this. It's actually an opportunity to celebrate: you're developing awareness around what's driving your impulses with food.
Notice what's happening, take a breath, acknowledge what you're doing. Ask yourself if you can walk away from the food, if you're in the moment, and come back to it after 10 minutes. Maybe you go outside, maybe you pick up the phone and call a friend, maybe you pet your cat. In 10 minutes, if you still want the food, eat it. But be nice to yourself and outrageously enjoy it.
When you're past that moment, think about the patterns and routines of your day that lead to moments of eating like this. Where can you cause a break in the pattern?
The thing that works best for me, when I'm stuck in patterns of behavior that aren't creating the outcome I want for myself, is to "change state". I change what I'm doing and where I'm doing it. I might go away for a weekend, or take a trip for a week, or simply go to a movie one night when I would have normally stayed home to eat food. It doesn't take long to break a habit: even after 3-4 days, it'll start to become easier. After 14-21 days, the habit is completely broken. It will remain permanently broken as you find other activities to fill the space left behind by the habit.
As for my raw veganism, after about 3 weeks into the diet I would find myself eating gargantuan amounts of veggies, seeds, nut butters, raw chocolates, avocados. I kept feeling like I wanted more. As I noticed my weight going up, I became convinced that even though I was eating healthy foods, something was clearly out of balance. I didn't feel satiated--in the diet, or in my life.
I ate a raw vegan diet 3 different times, each time thinking if I just balanced my nutrients better, surely I would feel satisfied. Each time gave me the same result: gaining around 10-12 pounds. Within 1 week of going back to eating lean meats and some cooked vegetables (and much less sugar), the weight would naturally drop right off. (During these times I was moderately physically active each day but nothing intense, and for no longer than 30-60 minutes a day.)
I felt satisfied eating lean meats again. I realized I enjoyed them--and when I started eating what I truly enjoyed, all diet rules aside--my focus shifted away from food. I could focus on my life because I wasn't thinking about the food I wasn't allowing myself to have. I didn't hunger for fulfillment.
Out of everything I've learned so far, the message that stands out for me is that it's not about the food. It's about finding fulfillment in your life, and creating a balance of foods you authentically desire. Then the diet details take care of themselves.
Written by Chelsea O'Brien, author of "I Eat Weird" and founder of MostlyPure.com. Discovering how to stop binge eating has shifted her life in a whole new direction. Her counter-intuitive approach has inspired many others that feel unhappy with their bodies and eating. Download her free "Emergency Overeating Relief Kit" at www.mostlypure.com.
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